Tomorrow We Depart

We leave tomorrow
The snow falls in Germany
We will join it there

Letter to Code Name Alice Re: Mumbai

Life is hard. I'm not going to lie to you, baby girl. Someday things are going to be really difficult. I can't stop that. All I can do is give you the ninja skills necessary to take on some of the challenges you will face. But you will face challenges that even the greatest ninja skills cannot overcome.

I think about these things when you reach up and wrap your little arms around my neck, squeezing me out the biggest baby-bear hug you can muster. I know you are really trying to eat my neck but I like to think of it as a big hug. I could hug you all day. And I think of this also when I hear of bad things happening--things that someday soon, you will have to face.

Bad things are happening as I write this. People are dying. People are killing other people. It's crazy. It's just madness. I can't explain it to you; All I can say is that it is. These things happen.

Photo from AP Photo by Rajanish Kakade: 8 hours ago: Pigeons fly near a flame from the Taj Hotel hotel in Mumbai, India, Thursday, Nov. 27, 2008. Teams of heavily armed gunmen have stormed luxury hotels, a popular restaurant, hospitals and a crowded train station in coordinated attacks across India's financial capital Wednesday night, killing at least 82 people and taking Westerners hostage, police said.

Even a ninja has to choke back some tears at the intense madness of these events. But good things happen too. There is still so much beauty and wonder in the universe. I don't regret bringing you into this world. It's awful at times but it's also fantastic and fun and enlightening.

You have this power. You can change the world. It's in your laugh. That's the most powerful ninja tool you have. Whatever happens, as long as I live, I'll be here to work out these things with you. Even though laughter won't save you through times like this one, I'll be here to give you that bear hug and we can cry a bit together and we will make it through.

These things too shall come to pass.

Photo from Reuters Pictures 3 hours ago: Firemen try to douse a fire at the Taj Hotel in Mumbai November 27, 2008. At least 101 people have been killed in attacks by gunmen in Mumbai, police said on Thursday.

Good News / Bad News

Well baby girl, times are getting tough.

Investors are putting the hold order on my company. Some of them got beaten bloody by the market turn but others have saved cash up for this occasion and they are ready to buy in--but they need to see us run on nothing for a while first. They want to bleed us dry, so they can get maximum value. They want us to become so parched that we will be willing to give up all our worldly possessions just for a sip of what they have to offer.

Regardless of the intended outcome, I am as of now officially laid off (along with the entire staff).

I may not be able to get you that trip into earth's orbit this year. What does it run now, aoubt $250K? Hmmm.... let me check my account balance... nope... I might be able to buy you a book on space... Being hoisted into the air with the sounds of mock explosions and thrusters thrusting will have to be enough for now.

But on the bright side, I get to stay home while I collect unemployment look for work cross my fingers wait for financing to come through.

If everything works out, maybe I'll even get a bonus. If it doesn't work out, I'll get to spend more time with you. This sounds like a win/win.

Either way, baby girl, someday, we will dance in Zero G.

... or at least we can go swimming and pretend we are in space...

My Large Hadron Collider (LHC) Goes to 11

The jig is up. The CERN LHC was turned on today and after about 1 hour, it finished circling a beam all the way around and people cheered. And we didn't die. And did they discover the elusive clown called Higgs Boson? Wait, that's a particle? Oh....

Join Sleep Deprivation Ninja on an interview with one of the CERN physicists who took part in this development:

Sleep Deprivation Ninja: So, why didn't you create a black-hole big enough to eat the earth?

CERN Physicist: That wasn't our goal... my primary focus is trying to recreate the conditions of the big bang and find the Higgs Boson.

SDN: Who cares about that? I want to see the world implode!

CERNP: Sorry, I'm Swiss; we don't do that sort of thing. And, besides, the LHC just isn't capable of doing that. Yes, it's massive and expensive and does create little black holes but they are about as powerful as a misquito.

SDN: Well, I've just finished my own Hadron Collider and it goes to 11. So, I'm going to turn it up that extra notch and create an even bigger black-hole. Take that, physicist!

CERNP: What do you mean it goes to 11? You can only go to 100%.

SDN: You can only go to 100%, mine goes 110%.

CERNP: But why don't you just label it 0-10 and call it up to 100%?

SDN: No, no, see it goes further than that. It goes all the way up passed 10... to 11.

CERNP: ...

SDN: Engage Dyson Singularity Sphere!

Instantly, hundred's of thousands of satellites shoot out from the earth and begin manufacturing clones, shooting their children off into further reaches of the galaxy. Once in position, they fire particles at eachother, one through another, in a massive ring shape. 

SDN: Tuuurn it uuup to.... E-LEV-EN!

The Higgs Boson appears but nobody sees it. A black hole emerges  from the center of the ring and pulls in Pluto, then some other non-planet sized materials. Then it picks up enough force to gobble Neptune and Uranus. Saturns ring becomes an elongated sling and is ripped assunder in a collidescope of spinning spacedust and rock. Jupiter moves toward the black hole and, although becoming elongated and warp, it doesn't stretch enough at entry and plugs up the hole.

Our solar system, or what remains, is saved by Jupiters fat ass.