Akoha

I was going to write something creative and all that but then I got really distracted by this new website called Akoha and I just have to give it my mad-props (kinda like my dope-show only more awesome).

Why is this site cool? Why is it innovative? Why should you request an invite and watch out for people doing philanthropic goodness to you while you wait? Read the Comic

If you haven't seen the movie Pay it Forward, watch it. Yeah, it's a little sappy and goes a little overboard in some ways but it's pretty damn good too. Akoha is a sort of a social network game version of that concept. The truly innovative thing about it is that you print up (or request a deck of) cards that you pass around in real life. When you accomplish missions, you gain Karma points. I've printed up a dozen and I can tell already that this is going to become a major addiction.

The Ninja is pleased.

Product Review [unpaid]: War on Terror Game

Ok, this is awesome:

If you are looking for a way to get on the NSA watch list, this is it. Just get yourself a copy of War on Terror, the board game.

Just listen to this awesome discription:

Each player starts as an empire filled with good intentions and a determination to liberate the world from terrorists and from each other.

Then the reality of world politics kicks and terrorist states emerge.

Andrew said: "The terrorists can win and quite often do and it's global anarchy. It sums up the randomness of geo-politics pretty well."

In their cardboard version of realpolitik George Bush's "Axis of Evil" is reduced to a spinner in the middle of the board, which determines which player is designated a terrorist state.

That person then has to wear a balaclava (included in the box set) with the word "Evil" stitched on to it.

Police confiscations of this game in the UK have proven once again that you can have peace or you can have justice but in a dictatorship by committee, you probably won't get both.

While in the USA, you still have freedom of speech, so long as you don't say anything illegal.

New Ninja Uniform: Disappointment

Update on a previous post, regarding a new ninja uniform:

My new ninja uniform arrived. It blows. I'm not even going to put up pictures because it sucks that much. But here's is some dude wearing what looks like the same design (it's not me):


How does it suck? Let me count the ways:

1. The hood comes in two parts. the first part is a thin, light, silky head cover with eye slits. Huge eye slits. Massive. My nose almost pokes out. The second hood piece is a helmet mask. It wears like a cap and wraps around the neck. This second piece has a pointy top and is slightly too small for my head, so it pokes up like a black Ku-Klux-Klan hat. I wore it for about ten seconds before I realized it wouldn't flatten and began to feel like a clown.
2. The pants are ridiculous. Even my jeans are more stealth, comfortable and practical than these 'ninja' pants. Too many freaking laces.
   
3. The shirt is just a karate gii, which is a too baggy and loose for Ninja.
4. The arm sleeves, which loop around your middle finger and go under your shirt/gii, are totally useless and uncomfortable.
5. The utility belt has pockets sealed with VELCRO! velcro. I'm not kidding. WTF! Ninja no velcro! Grrr!
   

I just imagine myself trudging into battle wearing this piece of garbage. The loose, baggy bits rubbing against eachother, grinding louder than cordorroy. Then I see my foe and I reach for a throwing star. ****RRRRRRIIIIIIIIIPPPPPP****, that's my utility belt pocket. Oh, no! I've been discovered. Bad ninja. But then my enemy mistakes me for a ten-year-old boy dressed up for halloween as the pointy headed leader of a cult. So, now I try to catch him off gaurd and whip out my badass ninja-fu. I try to fight but my arm gaurds are propping my hands up permanantly like a marionette. I'm frozen in permanant press.

Now I have to find someone to make new ninja gear for me...that's such a pain. Maybe it is worth trying to find my hidden gear. Curse you former master!

Product Review [unpaid]: Ninja Pen

If you are facing a need to prove that the pen is indeed mightier than the sword, you have two options:

1. Start writing frantically, hoping something honest and beautiful will emerge and that those who read it will be inspired and deem you a victorious literary badass.
2. Get a 13-in-1 pen and lay down the letter of your own law.

Here is what option #2 looks like, all spread out and displayed like a Pen Gone Wild shot:

The 13-in-1-multi pen or Ninja Pen as I think of it, is a twisty-turny, shuriken-shooting, blade-obfuscating piece of ninja awesomeness. Shuriken shooting?! Ok, maybe I got a little carried away. So, what's inside?

Ballpoint Pen (duh)

Hole Puncher (huh?)

Stainless Steel File (yeah)

Short Cutting Blade (hell, yeah)

Flat Screwdriver (1 million uses)

Wire Sleeve Remover (handy)

Small Nail Remover (fingernail?)

Ear Pick (not just for yourself)

Long Cutting Blade (not that long)

Tweezer (oooh!)

Philips Screwdriver (good for first impressions)

Stainless Steel Fork (great for camping... ok, maybe not)

Saw (why not?)

The only thing it's missing is a high powered green laser

Product Review [unpaid]: Heelys

Ok, I don't get paid for this but some ninja gear is just so cool, I've got to blag about it.

Heelys are just that kind of gear:

Typhoon model - Sizes: 12C - 6 Youth, 7 - 12 Men's

Awesomaciousness:

I've had a pair of these for a few years now and they rule. I run up escalators and then *BAM*, I'm rolling at lightning speed. It freaks people out. So ninja. Kids love them. I'm sure you've seen those kids around wearing them at the zoo and wherenot. Yeah, they're so cool, you can make up words when you wear them--I'm wearing them right now! With adult sizes up to Men's 12, most moms and dads can partake in the fun. Don't just get a pair for your kids, wuss.

Warning-ocity:

1. The first week I had them, I sped down this killer hill at about 20MPH, totally ignoring the warning that you should never heel faster than you can cartwheel (18MPH is my max). I hit a spread of gravel and spent the next few hours plucking stones out of my arms.
2. You do have to walk on your toes when not using the wheel. So, you can feel a little like you are wearing high heels--but it's worth it when you can jam passed those slow-ass peds and weave around them with the slick finesse of a balarina (actual experience may vary).
3. If you are not a ninja, you should probably wear a helmet. And armguards. And kneeguards. And full body armor.

Now, if only I can rid my mind of the surfer-dude voice I've been using to construct my un-ninja-like enthusiasm for this piece of ubanacious badassery*.

* I think BHJ coined badassery

ChaCha Hiya!

I'm at dinner with Solar Dancer and she's telling me about this text message service called ChaCha. She just started the application process to become a guide and wants to try it out.

But wait, what is this thing?

Apparently, ChaCha has thousands of people, whom it pays to answer questions for you. You text a question to 242424 and, supposedly, within 10 minutes, you get a solid, human evaluated response with an URL to the source. It's kinda like having a librarian sit between you and Google. You get a real person to evaluate your query, search Google for the best response, and send you a text with a good answer. That person gets paid $0.10 for answering your question and (aside from standard text message rates, which are an industry scam) it's free to the user.

Sleep Deprivation Ninja: "OK, so let's try it. What should we ask?"
Solar Dancer: "Ooh, ask them what theaters have infant shows."
SDN (to ChaCha via SMS): "What movie theaters in Seattle have infant friendly showings?"

Twenty seconds later...

ChaCha: "Welcome to ChaCha. Your first answer is on its way. Other charges may apply. Send HINTS to learn more about ChaCha. Send HELP for help. Send STOP to quit."

Three minutes go by.

SDN (to Solar Dancer): "This is a hard one. We did sort of ask for all of them. Maybe they are having a hard time fitting it into 160 characters. Or maybe we've stumped the guide. Let's see, there's the Metro, the Guild 45, Neptune...those are just the U-district."

Ten minutes go by... twenty... thirty.

SDN (to Solar Dancer): "hmmm... maybe I need to clarify the question..."

SDN (via SMS): "What movie theaters in Seattle offer infant friendly shows, bitch?"

Nothing. OK, well, Solar Dancer did spent an hour researching this topic the other day and found all of the answers already, but hey. WTF? I bet you can find one theater.

Solar Dancer: "Try another. Ask about things to do tomorrow."

SDN (via SMS): "Fun free activities in Seattle for family with infant tomorrow"

Less than 3 minutes later:
ChaCha: "Seattle's Parks have nine life guarded beaches for free summertime swimming. They also have 29 wading pools for the little ones. http://chacha.com/u/p3qlotgd"

Sleep Deprivation Ninja and Solar Dancer marvel over the cool factor. I mean, ninjas can just reach into the interweb with their minds and pull whatever information they want instantaneously but for normal people, it's pretty neat. It actually gave us useful information. We then try asking for a place to eat dessert in walking distance of Shallots (awesome 9 flavor chicken there). We quickly get a reply that Cascadia is close, to which we wander over and decide it's not quite what we are looking for. But in walking around there, I stumble upon Umi Sake, which is straight up the ninja alley \m/

Later, in the car, Solar Dancer uses the word 'renig' and then says she shouldn't use that word because it's racist against Gypsys or something. I'm skeptical and disagree. "Let's ask ChaCha!"
We ask, but there's no response, so I switch to my Mobile Safari on the iPhone and use Google to discover that I've misspelled "renege" and that's it's based on the Latin renegare (to deny).

Even hours later, there is no response to the query. Looks like it's touch and go. But cool when it works.

Well, now to see if it can prove to the wife that "Hoss" isn't a racist term.