Mammalia

Sometimes, when out on a ninja mission, a fellow traveler queries my reason for not eating mammals.

My reasons are plentiful but I'll try to summarize them concisely here. But first, it would help to begin with an answer to the question, what is a mammal?

You might be surprised to hear (though maybe not all of you) that often, when presented with the information that I don't dig on mammals, people frequently counter with, "Oh, so you don't eat chicken?" Of course, my reply is always a puzzled look of wonderment, followed by a slow and careful, "Chickens... are... not... mammals..."

"Mammals (formally Mammalia) are a class of vertebrate animals whose females are characterized by the possession of mammary glands while both males and females are characterized by sweat glands, hair, three middle ear bones used in hearing, and a neocortex region in the brain."
- Wikipedia: Mammal

You may be surprised to find as well that live birth is not a requirement for the class of Mammal. The Platypus is a mammal. It happens to fall in a sub class called Monotreme (mammals that lay eggs), of which there are 4 other known species. But there are several things in the classification of mammal that I find non-appetizing, aside from the fact that I am myself a freaking mammal:

1. Being allergic to milk protein, whey, cheese, and any other derivative of mammary glad secretion, cultivation and marketing, I'm wary of all female mammals.
2. Sweat glands... nuff said.
3. Hair... as a theoretical compound, I'm not entirely against it, but in practice... ew.
4. A neocortex... (see below)

I don't care about the 3 middle ear bones, but the last number there, a neocortex, is very important:

It is involved in higher functions such as sensory perception, generation of motor commands, spatial reasoning, conscious thought and, in humans, language.
- Wikipedia: Neocort

Although the Wikipedia page specifically identifies 'in humans' for language, recent studies are showing that Dolphins, Prairie Dogs and several other animals have and use languages. I wouldn't feel right about eating anything intelligent enough to be able to tell me verbally to stop eating it. A chicken, lizzard or a fish may fight, but it won't look me in the eye and verbally communicate it's conscious desire to not be eaten.
For this reason, I also wouldn't eat a Parrot. I also refrain (for the most part) from eating Octopuses but that's just because they are not that tasty, fairly chewy, very intelligent and freaking bad-ass (YouTube).

Licorice, Liquorice, Lickrish... Lead? o_0

I love licorice. Don't all ninja love licorice? I mean real black licorice, made with real licorice root.

Red Vines are not licorice; it's just high fructose corn syrup and chemicals. Don't even try to pass that stuff to me. You'll be sorry.

I subscribe to the FDA recall list RSS (totally worth subscribing, lest you miss the fact that you are eating something that isn't on the label...and might poison you). So I get an update that says this:

Lucky Country Inc. Recalls All Natural Black Licorice Products

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE -- September 5, 2008 -- Lucky Country Inc. of Lincolnton, NC is recalling all of its natural black licorice products from [a large list of states] due to elevated levels of lead.

OK, stop the press! WTF!? o_0

How the hell did lead end up in my licorice... ok, it's not my licorice. I've never even heard of this company. But now I want to find some so I can stock my ninja belt with lead licorice. I'm just imagining the possibilities...

But then I read on:

Recent tests performed by the California Department of Public Health and the Food and Drug Administration showed that Lucky Country Aussie Style Soft Gourmet Licorice Black (All Natural) in 1.5 lb bags contained a lead level exceeding the level permitted in candy....

Huh? o_9

How much freaking lead does the FDA permit in candy?!

Then I find this FDA document:

This guidance provides a recommended maximum lead level of 0.1 ppm in candy likely to be consumed frequently by small children. FDA considers the recommended maximum lead level to be achievable with the use of good manufacturing practices in the production of candy and candy ingredients and to be protective of human health.

So, now I'm wondering if Gourmet Licorice is something the FDA considers likely to be "consumed frequently by small children". Probably not. So how much did they allow in this licorice? Nobody talks.

Either way, I still wonder how even .1 ppm could be allowed in to their narrow classification--it comes from the sucrose, which the FDA permits .5 ppm (500% of the maximum) to be lead. Seems like something is amiss in the sugar making industry.

There's a quest in this for Sleep Deprivation Ninja. And he's packing licorice.