Classified: Nemesis Wanted

Married, 29yo. father of 1, Sleep Deprivation Ninja, who enjoys trans-dimensional walks on the beach, seeks Nemesis who is willing to join the occasional bar brawl, write snarky emails and hit on my wife (you don't stand a chance). Applicant must be willing to shed a tear at my funeral. If your Archenemy attempts to take your life, SDN will intervene. Nemesis must be willing to reciprocate action if ever needed (but not likely).