Haiku: Spring

This Spring brings strong winds.
Harmony under attack;
Zombies ate my cat.

Exploits of Ninja and Child - zOMB: Zombie Ninja Battle!

The morning was light, sunny, humid, the sky filled with the sound of garbage trucks and UPS deliveries. Another active day. Another day to walk the streets and seek the bounty befitting ninja services. The afternoon remained crisp and warm as Ninja passed through the empty city. Not a soul outside. All hiding away from the sunny open air and the tightly confined public spaces, tucked away with the squeal of popular fear mongering, glued to their televisions and twitter updates, only blinking after commercial breaks.

By dusk, the nightwalkers have risen, taken to the streets. While the politicians hide from train travel and the students fear eating pigs, there lurks a darker foe than flu: The Lazy Zombie virus is upon us.

Code Name Alice is chanting as a monkey, shaking her tiny fists at the night.

"Come out you Zombies! We're ready for a fight!" Telepathy is strong with this one.

Amidst the stumbling bodies of the slow and inept infected, a strong, fearless zombie emerges from the ground: A Zombie Ninja.


"zOMB!" screams the vile villain.

"Bring it." Ninja and Child brace for impact from the zombie strike.

Code Name Alice prepares with a sonic, "Hah!" and butterflies appear around the zombie, throwing it off balance. He hacks at the air, splitting wings, powdery dust of flight falling into his eyes.

"aaaaRRRGGGH!" He moans, rubbing his face in agony. His left ear falls off as his arm brushes the side of his head. He doesn't appear leprocitic; the ear had been hanging loose from a previous battle. He charges at our heroes. The charge is fierce, intense, savage, with the hunger of the undead, yet infected by the lazy virus, he trots forth in slow motion.

As the zombie ninja approaches, Code Name Alice ramps up a monkey howl, heaves it forward and spits it down at the oncoming legs. The slow motion rush of the zombie becomes a quick canon burst through the air as the figure trips and is hurled forward. Sleep Deprivation Ninja's foot appears in front of the zombie's head, blocking the blow with a richochetic force outward, sending the beast back from whence it came, to join the less equiped, the infected underdogs, slithering around in the gutters, awaiting their feed to come to them.

Even a ninja infected with this virus is useless. Fear not the pig, it is the zombie that will destroy humanity.

Alert: Lazy Zombie Virus is Spreading!!!!!1!!one!

There's a pandemic going on. Code Name Alice has sensed it and thrown the warning. All agents are on high alert. At 7:19pm PST, a massive viral outbreak of the Lazy Death took hold of our city. As fools rushed into traps lain by the infected, they too became infected. Within hours, by IQ, the lowest 15% of the population was completely taken over by the disease.

Sleep Deprivation Ninja and Code Name Alice stare down at the ragged streets of downtown Seattle, piled high with infected villainy. They step near a financial investment adviser who is wearing a $2K suit, with a purple tie befitting a pimp. The business man is slumped against the wall outside Nordstrom, eyeballing passersby.

"I'm trying to conjure a plan that will incite you to come over here and insert your brain into my mouth." Says the lazy zombie, staring at us, drooling with eager yet ineffectual lust.

"Good luck with that." Says Ninja. "What seems to be working for the other lot?"

The investment zombie attempts to shrug but his shoulders are too lazy and he just twitches a little up in his neck, moans a pathetic grunt and collapses to the ground, apparently of fatigue.

A scream. Ninja and Child look over to see a zombie holding a cheeseburger, far away from his face as a vagabond lunges for it, only to receive a sharp bite to the neck from the infected trickster. One more down. But the scream didn't come from this pair. Only a few feet away, a young girl stands at the bus stop, pinned between two languorous laggards, laying on the ground, attempting to trip her by aimlessly rolling as slowly and lifelessly as they can muster toward her unprotected legs.

"Fear not, young lady." Says Ninja with a commanding hand.

"WTF?" Says the girl. "Has the world gone totally, like VR or some bunk? If A-N-Y-one comes near me, I'm going to mace your face!" She produces said accoutrement.

Ninja decides to back off, seeing that the girl is pointing the spray not only at the lethargic zombies but also at him. She has this one under control. "Right." Says Ninja, vanishing as he does.

The virus continues to spread. Be on the lookout for inert instructors, careless caretakers, lackadaisical lawyers, apathetic assistants, somnolent insomniacs, passive police, slothful senators and loafers of all kinds--especially those with pockets of drool forming on their chins. They may be infected.