Saturday, September 13, 2008

Exploits of Ninja & Child - #6 - Twitter

Fleeing from the Temple of Forbidden Wisdom, Ninja and Child are followed by dozens of formerly enslaved peasants, all carrying stolen devices from the fortress. Ninja clutches the Sleep Retention Box with one hand and waves to one of the other runners who is holding a different object. The man approaches Ninja with hesitant obedience, grateful for the rescue yet frightened from the means.

"What is that device you have liberated?" Ninja queries with raised head and a subtle gesture.

"Uh... it's nothing... nothing, really. I saw one of the technicians playing with it and it looked like it didn't work. But... it looks nice, yes... I just wanted to take it. Oh My Blog! Is that a baby wrapped in your chest!? Did you just rescue us with a baby?"

"Uh, yes, this is Code Name Alice. She's my apprentice. She can kill demons with her laughter. Do you mind if I see that device?" Ninja holds out a hand to the man who looks away and stares deep into the wheat field.

"Uh... no... no, go ahead..." The man bows his head and thrusts the device forward to Ninja. Tucking the Sleep Retention Box safely in a secret leg compartment, Ninja grabs the new machine. It is about the same size as the sleep machine, but it has a large button on it.

"This button here... have you pushed it?" Ninja looks up to see the man shrug with embarrassment.

"I... thought... not to push buttons with no label... it might explode or something."

"But it says something here... it says, 'Warp'. That doesn't sound like a bomb." Ninja takes six breaths and before the seventh is drawn, his finger is pressed firmly on the button.

The air becomes crisp surrounding the two men and the baby wrapped against Ninja's chest. A gust of wind twirls upward, whipping them up in a tornado flash. The other escaping slaves look on in shock as the ninja and their nameless friend are eaten by the wind. A flash of light sparks above their heads and in a blink the men are gone.

From the view of Ninja and Peasant, the field remains. The air breaths in and out around them and a visible magnetic pulse warps the surrounding light so that they appear to be within a crystal ball. Then the ball grows a little, shrinks a little and dissipates. The other runners have vanished and it suddenly becomes apparent that the dark night has now, instantly, become midday.

"Well, this is very odd, indeed. I'd better twitter this." Ninja stows the unnamed device into his leg, pulls his iPhone out and starts up Twinkle (the location based twitter app). "um... this is very odd. It says we are in Germany!?"

A siren sounds in the distance. A jeep hums closer. Tanks. Soldiers stomping in rhythmic furry. Ninja begins twittering all of this with one hand as he grabs his confounded traveling companion with the other and sprints away. His unwitting passenger, holding on for dear life, is flapping and flailing in the air like a trailing cape. Ninja sprints very fast. At the edge of the wheat field, a swarm of military jeeps fly through the road.

A small dog runs out of the field, straight into the path of the jeeps. They scream to a halt, too late, crushing the poor beast.

Ninja continues to tweet, typing like lightning, bombarding twitter at 100 TPS (tweets per second). A soldier leaps from the jeep and shouts, "Halt! Was hast du gemacht! Arschloch!"

A picture signs a thousand tweets; video, a million more:


Captain Dumbass said...

I'm going to have to 'borrow' that video.

Pam said...

Ich lache meine Esel von hier. Ha!