I'm walking to the bank and pass a couple of politically brainwashed college students who are trying to pass out LaRouche propaganda (Wikipedia | Public Eye).
"The economy is collapsing!" One of the neo-Nazi activists screams.
I have to stop, turn back and start something here. "And why is that a bad thing?" I look right into the face of the early-twenty-something-bimbo-wannabee-political-savior-revolutionary and raise my eyebrows for emphasis.
"What do you mean, why? If the economy collapses, the dollar will be worthless and everyone will be out of work and the banks will foreclose on everyone's homes and we will all relive the great depression! Haven't you been paying attention to the news?"
"When the news is not sensationalized, it's sometimes accurate. But listen. The economy is going to the crapper. I agree. But this is a great thing for people our age! We are so freaking lucky this is happening right now. This is the time to buy stocks in Intel, Apple, Google, solar power, wind power, wave power, public utilities, water companies, etc... these companies are worth billions and they are not going to vanish. This is a monetary low and it will get a bit lower but in twenty-thirty years when we retire, the stock we buy now will have bounced right back up. The houses we buy now will likewise be worth way more than they are selling for now. Your crazed armageddon prophecy isn't going to happen. It doesn't work that way. Do a little research before you join a cult."
I'm talking like lightning so the bitch can't squeeze in a word, so I take a quick deep breath and continue. "The economic trouble is only bad for people cashing out their retirement funds NOW. And, I agree, it sucks for them. But proselytizing neo-fascism is not going to solve their problem. Their problem is right now. Other than that, the economy is freaking awesome right now."
"You don't know what you are talking about. Lyndon LaRouche is the best economist in the WORLD! Read this!" She pushes a catalog of mind-blowing totalitarian drivel in my face.
"I'm not touching that. Have you actually read one of those? I have. It was total bullshit. He doesn't say a single meaningful sentence. It's like talking to a Scientologist on crystal meth. It's complete drivel."
"If you don't care about the world, then you can just keep walking." She looks at a guy in a business suit and offers him the 50-page newsletter. He waves his hand and keeps walking.
"No, no, I do care about the world, that's why I'm standing here, standing up to political de-evolution. This is very sad. I'm going to have to destroy your organization."
She instantly turns red and throws down her wares. Her eyes glow and, raising her hands in the air, she extends five-inch knives from her fingertips, hisses like a snake and swipes down at me.
"Ah! Fuck!" I'm not in my ninja suit but I can't just stand there. Action is required. I pop her in the jaw with a snap of my elbow . Her cohort is standing there stunned. He's younger, probably 16. He obviously didn't realize that biomechanical weaponry enhancements in the marketing slaves are part of the LaRouche campaign, a design of the perfect race to protect his totalitarian rule. The boy looks at me with wide, scared eyes, afraid I'm going to bash him in with a roundhouse kick. "Sorry kid, you're in the wrong circle of friends."
He runs away in tears.
The psycho bitch gets up off the floor and lunges at my legs. I leap into the air and she crashes into a downtown stock trader.
"Hey, watch it." He shouts at her, but he hits the ground hard. The police come around the corner just as I blend in with the crowd. "Officer, get this crazy girl off me!"