Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The Olympics

I know nothing about the Olympics. When asked if they still have Summer and Winter games or if they merged them back into one, I said, "They have Summer and Winter games!?" When I saw that Volleyball was the next event, I was bewildered by the fact that Volleyball is actually an Olympic game. Then I marveled at the news that Basketball and Soccer are also played. My mind is blown.

Solar Dancer: O-w, I don't want to watch Volleyball; I want to see Michael Phelps.
Sleep Deprivation Ninja (holding baby and making tea in the kitchen): Who is Michael Phelps?
SD: He's the one they just did that whole special piece on. He's going to win the most gold Olympic metals of all time!
SDN: Like, in all disciplines?
SD: No, just swimming.
SDN: Oh... that's not as cool.
SD: It's still pretty cool. He's doing all the swimming stuff.
SDN: Diving?
SD: No, just swimming... like, Different Strokes. (I swear she said it in Title Case)
SDN: Oh, like the TV show.

This is where Solar Dancer almost through a baloney sandwich at me. I was saved only by the fact that neither one of use likes baloney, so there was no sandwich to be thrown. But it was close. It was obvious in her fed-up gestures that she was ready to walk to the store, buy some baloney, come home and make a sandwich just to smear it on my loser face.

Instead of heaving meat at me, she hunkered down in defeat: "What you talkin 'bout, Willis?"

I saved face only by sitting down to watch the games. We poked fun at the athletes "inadequacies" while slovenly slaving away, working on our computers, staring up at the mother tit of commercial propaganda radiation that we so lovingly absorbed.


Jenny, the Bloggess said...

I miss Different Strokes.

Anonymous said...

My only problem with the Olympics is how completely fucking epic they make everything look.

They could cover me walking into Fred Meyer and I'd look like a hero.

Captain Dumbass said...

I'd like Phelp's 10,000 calorie a day diet, just without all the exersise and heart disease.

Anonymous said...

Who are we talking about again?

And I'm with y'all on the balony. eck.

steenky bee said...

Couple of things:
1. After reading your post, I now crave a balogne sandwich.
2. Heaving Meat would be an awwwwsome band name.

Mr Lady said...

Piss off. I'm walking around for the rest of the day saying, "'Cause Oscar Meyer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A."


Unknown said...

wow, I never heard that one.... I wonder what other mysterious tunes I can inject into people's minds... sweet....