One of the best parts about being a ninja dad (and having a ninja child) is that I can integrate putting my daughter to sleep as part of my exercise routine.
She will only fall asleep in one of two ways:
1. attached to her mother's warm, soft, gentle, pillow-like boob.
2. being heaved and thrown as her dad bounces around the fortress with babe in arm, practicing deadly chops and weapon extractions to destroy robotic representations of his enemies.
The second option is more fun and offers an increased handicap to my workout. Of course, these days, my most entertaining adventures are with her in my arms.
As I swing side to side and leap from wall to rafter, she smiles up and closes her eyes. They open again and again, only to fall once more to the gentle rhythm of ninja battle. Someday, if she can find a battle exciting enough to stay awake through, she will become the greatest warrior of all time.
How do you get your kid to sleep?
9 comments:
I usually just say "Surprise surprise you hate me. You hated me last night too. Now shake your ass upstairs and brush your teeth."
We tell our youngest to pretend to be asleep because the Sleep Fairy is coming and if she sees that he's still awake she'll use her magic wand to make him fall asleep. He squeezes his eyes shut, lays very still and falls asleep within minutes.
Years from now it will be a great starting point for his therapist.
Man, why didn't I do THAT when my kids were babies?
Scotch. And lots of it. Or NyQuil. Cherry flavored of course. They won't touch the Original.
Or we put on Gregorian Chants.
Sugar coma. Duct tape works, too.
I just yell 'get off that damn computer now. I don't care if your best friend 45year old man living in his mothers basement posing as a 15 yr old boy wants to see your boobies, it is time to go to bed. Oh and have you done your homework?'
That last sentence usually puts them into a coma in nano seconds.
Learn from me Ninja. I was Ninja before you.
I'm afraid to say specifically for fear of jinxing things, but he goes right to sleep every night like a dream. And every night I'm surprised.
Patience. And a little bribery.
Yes. Yes, I would say that masterful, intensive martial arts comes in second next to the powers of a warm, gentle boob.
If I had a baby, she'd totally be like my sack of potatoes that I heaved everywhere to train for backpacking adventures.
As things are, I just use a real sack of potatoes.
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