Saturday, August 23, 2008

New Ninja Uniform

As I mentioned before, the Moby wrap is a great dual purpose tool for a ninja dad. It supports the child while you are engaged in defying physics with ninja activities. But it also allows you to quickly change from your normal citizen disguise into ninja, if you happen to be caught in the middle of the day with babe in wrap and a need to kick some ass, ninja style.

But there's one problem:
My old master took my ninja uniform and hid it. It was a stupid hazing-ritual-prank thing he did after giving me my ninja scroll diploma. He said it was tradition in his line of ninja tutelage and that it took him three years to find his uniform after his master did the same. Have I mentioned that I hate traditions? I hate them. They are generally foolish, counter-evolutionary, and sometimes mean spirited. I mean, that's my ninja gear. You don't just take a ninja uniform and hide it if it doesn't belong to you. That's just childish.

So, knowing that my master would never tell me where he hid my gear, even in a thousand years of sitting in the darkest pit of trans-dimensional pestilence, I hid my master. Ha! Find him. I dare you. That's what happens when a pupil surpasses his teacher and then the teacher tries to put one over on the student. Bam, sucka! Who the foo' you pitty now, bitch?

Anyway, so I'm online shopping for a new uniform because I'm sick of looking for my garb in all the billions of places he could have stashed it and I need something better than a baby wrap to conceal my identity and my secret weapons. The Moby really was great as ninja head and torso gear but the Björn just didn't work as well as a Moby replacement. It doesn't have the lower back support that the Moby has, which is why we are getting an Ergo to replace the Björn. Of course, when I get my new gear, it'll just be ninja and Moby all the way. Black wrap on black wrap.

How did ninja throughout history get by without online shopping? I mean, sure, I could hand sew my own gear or go find someone to make it for me--and make them make it. But that takes too long. Really, these days, I can have it all ordered and shipped way faster and way less expensive than I had thought.

I'll post some pictures of the new gear once it's in but, if you're curious, this is approximately what I will look like when it arrives:


unmitigated me said...

I think that Ergo thingy is gonna look funny on yore hay-ud.

steenky bee said...

I had no idea the daily issues that face the ninja. I am enlightened and somewhat amused. Master knows to now not mess with you.